Unexpected down time

Carter turns 1 in 10 days. I'm finally starting to feel like my old self again and that partially scares me and makes me think I'll never be ready for another pregnancy/newborn stage. We'll see how I feel when he's a little older and not so much of a baby anymore!

So this morning I had an appointment for a cut and color at a newer hairstylist. I wanted something new for Carter's party and as a bit of a celebration that I made it a year already! 

I got my haircut with her last time and we had talked about doing the color. I haven't colored my hair in years and am a little afraid to again so I used the last 2 months to talk myself into it. I was running late this morning so I called to let them know and the woman on the phone said I was down for a cut only and, since I was late, they wouldn't be able to accommodate me. I was so disappointed. I haven't felt that let down in a long time, probably because I haven't done something like that for myself in a long time. I was so flustered that I just told them I'd call back to reschedule, already thinking I had to find another stylist. My sister-in-law was here to watch Carter so I headed out anyway with no where to go. I probably should have taken the time to run some baby-less errands but I decided to hit up one of my favorite coffee shops for some alone time.

Carter was not feeling well all weekend and we had originally thought it was just teething until both JZ and I felt awful Monday morning. Still feeling under the weather, my head was in the clouds so I couldn't concentrate at all. I listened to what sounded like an awkward first date (at 10a? maybe, with all the work-from-home hipsters and college students in Raleigh, it is a possibility) and drank my Japanese green tea and spent 2 blissful hours in my own head alone for a change. 

I guess not all was lost and I was able to reschedule the appointment for just a few days before his party. But it got me thinking about how crazy different my life is now and what it was back before Carter was even a thought. I don't work full-time. I have a reasonable amount of "freedom" as far as running errands or making appointments or calling a sitter to take a few hours to myself. I am my own boss, aside from my real boss, Carter, and I pretty much have everything I need at the moment. I'm a proud of myself for how quickly I was able to recognize that and not drag myself into a deep hole of self doubt and have a pity party for one. I only wish my head was clear enough to finish the book I've been reading, Women Food and God! Hoping to write more about that later.